My experiments with diversity in food: Day 3: Punjab

The state of Punjab is one of the northern states in India. It is one of the border states that share a border with Pakistan on the west and hence produces a lot of soldiers for Indian army :). Punjab took its name from the five rivers that once flown in the state, Chenab, Jhelum, Ravi, Sutlej, and Beas. Partition of India in 1947 did not only partition the harmony and peace of India, but it also ripped the soul of Punjab. Chenab and Jhelum flow where they always were but now humans have decided that the province will now be called Punjab, Pakistan.

The earliest human habitation in India is found in Punjab that is dated back to 3300BCE by the name of Indus Valley Civilization. Punjab has always worked or has been exploited as a corridor for invasions in India by different kingdoms and republics. It was once a home for Achaemenid, Alexander's, Seleucid, Mauryas, Guptas, Harshas, Kushan and various others. Punjab is also the birthplace of Sikhism founded in the 1500s and 1600s. 

Punjab has a rich culture of language,  music, poetry, dancing, art and craft, farming, literature, and food. It will not be an exaggeration if I mention that each Punjabi (person belongs to Punjab) thinks that there is nothing better than Punjab. I know it because I am myself married to one :).

The cuisine of Punjab is highly influenced by fresh produce available by agriculture and farming. Wheat is the staple grain of Punjab. Some of the most famous dishes from Punjab are sarson ka saag, makke ki roti, kadhi pakoda, rajma, variety of paranthas and kulchas, maah ki daal, daal makhani, lassi, panjiri, and equally varied varieties of meat.

The dish that is featured today is sarson ka saag. Its a stew and is traditionally made out of mustard greens and lamb's quarter (Bathua), slowly cooked on a wood stove and is best served with makke ki roti (cornmeal flatbreads) for scooping initially and to soak up all the remaining bits from the bowl towards the end, yum! The recipe I used is a hand me down from the years of experiments done by women to make it and amend it using what is available and remnants of traditional cuisine. This is a winter dish, as mustard leaves are grown in winters in India, and therefore we respect that and only make it in winter, although, here in USA mustard leaves are available all around the year.

How I made it: Clean and chop three bunches of mustard leaves (curly mustard leaves), a bunch of spinach, a bunch of turnip greens (this time I used kale, as turnip was not available), and wait for it.....one head of broccoli. Broccoli is a very non-traditional, it even doesn't belong to Punjab, but I use it because as I said my recipe is handed me down from years of experiments, and addition of broccoli was amended to the original recipe here in America by the mother of our friend :).

Boil these clean and cut greens along with an inch of ginger and 4-5 garlic cloves for one hour in 2 cups of water. Why one hour? Because, Mann's mom boiled it for one hour, and this recipe is all but tradition to be followed.

Now comes, the part where I added my bit to this evergrowing and everchanging recipe tradition. Before leaving for work, I blend these boiled greens using a hand blender in its own juices and remaining water along with a 1/2 a cup of cornmeal, salt to taste, and one full stick of butter and let it slow cook for the whole day (8-10 hours) in a slow cooker on the low setting. This slow cooking in the slow cooker was an experiment I did once and was an immediate hit in my family.

When I come back from work, the smell of simmering saag fills my nostrils and my appetite increases many fold. Right before eating dinner, we temper this by sauteeing chopped red onions and a lot of garlic in butter and is added to the saag. This mouth-watering, finger-licking dish takes a whole day of prep but is so worth it. My husband likes to eat radishes on the side as salad and pickled ginger and green chillies.

And here is the picture :)

My experiments with diversity in food: Day 2: Uttar Pradesh

This is day 2 of my journey of Indian cuisine from different states of India. Online name selector today chose the state I was born and lived in before I came to the US. Today's pick was Uttar Pradesh (UP). it is the northern state of India and is the most populous state of India. It is the 4th largest state areawise, only because in November 2020, a part of this state was declared as a new state of Uttarakhand.

As like any other state, archaeological evidence suggests the history of UP is dated back to 6000BC. UP has been the house for Indus valley civilisation, Harappa culture, Vedic period, and eventually to Guptas, Mauryas, Delhi Sultanate, Mughals, and finally Britishers. 

UP is the birth land of Rama and Krishna, Mahabharat and Ramayan, Ayodhya and Hastinapura. It is a land of banks of river Ganga and Yamuna, the land of holy cities of Mathura, Vrindavan, Banaras, and Kashi, the land of Sangam and Kumbh meal. It is also the land of Tajmahal and the land of Buddhist stupas, Sarnath and Kushinagar.

UP is the state of all faith and religion and its culture is a harmonious stockpile of different customs, traditions, language dialects, music, art, and most importantly its rich cuisine. Cuisine in UP is as varied as the cuisine in India. India's different states have different cuisines, similarly, UP's different areas have distinctly different cuisines. From the kachoris and sweets of Western UP to Mughlai and creamy food of eastern UP, the cuisine of UP has a prominent footprint on the food culture of India.

Food in UP is a long topic with a lot of sub-topics. The range in cuisine starts from street food like chaat to rich and creamy food of Mughlai cooking, the influence of Central Asia, Kashmir, Punjab, and Hyderabad. The vegetarian dishes and meat dishes are equally famous. The staple grain of UP is wheat, therefore there is a huge variety of bread (roti, paranthas, naan, and puris), but rice is not left behind either, there is equally a huge variety of pulaos and biryani. Pickles, papads, daals, kawabs, desserts, lassi and chaach. The use of dry fruits and dairy in cooking is huge in UP cuisine. 

My choice to cook something from UP was not entirely hatke, first because I am a vegetarian, and second, because I have cooked and ate a lot of variety of food from UP, provided I was born and raised there ;).

Still, in order to be little different, I improvised the recipe a little.

The dish for the day was Moong Daal kachori with rasedaar aloo-matar ki sabzi.

The kachoris recipe I used was based loosely on https://www.vegrecipesofindia.com/dal-kachori-recipe/

Aloo sabzi is my family's staple, comfort weekend brunch recipe.

I sauteed onions, ginger, green chillies in little oil with cumin seeds. Once everything looked cooked to death, I added cut potatoes (Idaho), frozen green peas, and cut tomato. I added turmeric, red chilli powder, garam masala, salt to taste, and few pinches of kasuri methi. I let it cooked until potatoes were done and were easily breakable by spatula, and towards the end, I mashed potatoes a bit using potato masher directly in the pot.

Verdict: Normally this kachori is made using urad daal (black gram) for stuffing, I made today using moong daal (green gram). The kachoris were spot on the taste but were not as crispy as they generally are. Frying at a low flame and little thinner rolling was required perhaps.

Will I make it again: Hell, yaa!!

My experiments with diversity in food: Day 1: Tamilnadu

I am very blessed that I was born in India. I got to experience a culture rich in food, art, music, language, and diversity first hand. While living in India I had an idea of diversity in India,  but only after coming to the US
, I realized that my knowledge about diversity in India was equivalent to a drop in an ocean. Here, I met people from different parts of India mile away from home and experienced the difference in culture and food in depth. 

India is a country of 29 states and 7 Union territories. It will not be a lie when I say that each state is tremendously distinct from each other. Each state has its own culture, customs, the different language in many of them, and one thing that stands apart the most is the cuisine in each state. Each state has its own rich culture and stories about their cuisine that developed based on the availability of resources, people travelling and bringing back different ideas, and people who came from outside but made their home in respective state and thus also introduced a new culture to an existing one.

A culinary documentary named, "Raja, Rasoi, and Anya Kahaniyan" inspired me a lot to learn more and research different foods from all those places. All these and the thirst of trying new food encouraged me finally to take a step in the direction of exploring the abundant and rich culinary heritage of India.

I wanted to do this from some years now, but it's better to be late than never. This is not a recipe blog, just the blog to decide a recipe, try it, and writing my experience about it.

I finally started my journey on January 4th 2021 with the help of google ;). I used a name selector tool to select a state. My pick of the day was the state of Tamilnadu. 

Tamilnadu is the southernmost state of the Republic of India. It is the tenth largest state in area, and 6th largest in population. This is the state with a rich culture and heritage that is older than 3800 years ago. Tamilnadu had been a house for various empires in past. Tamil cuisine is very popular and has a lot of vegetarian recipes. Use of tamarind to make food sour is very particular from southern states of India and thus is the norm in Tamilnadu also. Typically food is served on banana leaves. Rice is the staple food in Tamilnadu. I do not claim to know a lot about Tamilnadu, but when the name comes in my mind, it brings the memories of dosa, idli, sambhar, and the language Tamil :).

As I am a vegetarian, my exploration is limited to meatless recipes. Again, with the help of Google, I tried looking for recipes that are different than what I know and have eaten in past. From a food blog, I came across the name and recipe for Kara Kozhukattai. The name can be loosely translated from Tamil to English as spicy dumplings.

I used the recipe from the blog https://www.kannammacooks.com/kara-kozhukattai-kara-kozhukattai-recipe/.

Kara Kozhukattai is made from the smooth paste of soaked rice. The dumplings have the added flavours of onions, green chillies, ginger, salt, and curry leaves. I made a tomato-Onion chutney to eat with dumplings. The whole preparation and cooking of dumplings took me 3-4 hrs (this includes soaking of rice for more than 2 hrs).

The chutney I made is inspired by Tamilnadu's red chutney but with some modifications. Chutney I made had lightly sauteed onions, garlic, ginger, tomatoes, green chillies, roasted chana dal, and coconut powder. I blended all this and tempered it with mustard seeds, jeera, dried red chilly, and curry leaves.

My verdict: My husband and I love the chutney. It was an experiment that turned our favourite thing. The dumplings were tasty and different from foods we have eaten so far from Tamilnadu. They were little sticky for our taste but never the less were an extremely interesting and a different experience. 

Will I make it again: 6/10 I shall definitely try them again sometime, but not in near future. I might try changing some ingredients to add more flavour to them.

According to Mann, they lacked flavour, therefore, next morning he chopped them up into small pieces and sauteed them with cut onions and bell peppers. And, the experiment turned out a really good breakfast with hot tea for us :)

Mango-mango everywhere :P

As I have told in my earlier post, how Holi time reminds me of home made delicacies. The main snack that is prepared for Holi in states of Uttar Pradesh, Rajasthan, Bihar, New Delhi, Haryana, and Madhya Pradesh is Gujiya. After I came to the US, for first few years I missed eating Gujiya on Holi. Although, Gujiya was not always my favorite thing to eat during Holi and I had always thought that this famous snack is little over rated. But as one only realize the importance of something after going afar, same happened to me. Therefore,  one year I asked my mom to ship me some from India. The package that reached me had gujiyas, which were not whole pieces but were a perfect harmonious mixture of broken outer crispy cover and inside filling. I was happy with that too, as honestly I had no other option. And, then one day I decided, now that I am an independent young girl and have managed to live by my own pretty well ;), I should make gujiya by myself, and also I had no other ways of eating gujiya. 

Finally,  in the year 2012 around Holi,  I bought khoya (reduced milk solids) from the Indian store and made gujiya. This was my first attempt at making gujiya and although they didn't turn out to be perfect and were little hard to eat, they were still manageable and delicious. 

I used wrong proportions of oil and flour and that was the mistake. The same happened the following year, but 2014 brought a smile and better cooking sense and the gujiya I made turned out perfect. (Below the post I have shared the recipe).

This year in 2016, I wanted to do a notch more and hence decided to do something different along with Gujiya. Last year I made mathri (fried crispy snack). My husband and son loooooooove Kulfi (Indian milk based popsicles), therefore, I decided I will make kulfi. Early last year my husband and I followed Indian version of master chef and in one of the episodes participants were asked to make mango boondi. I was intrigued by that thing as it was also mentioned that boondi were not the traditional fried besan boondi (fried crispy little chick pea flour pearls used in yogurt based side dish or are sweetened to make sweets) while the boondi spherification was done using cold oil. From over a year I was looking for the recipe and was trying to find how mango boondi is made.

Finally, after googling with different search dimensions and names, I found out that mango boondi that was shown on that show is basically mango caviar (Recipe is towards the end). Making any kind of artificial caviar from fruit juice is a technique of molecular gastronomy. Please don't ask me anymore about it, as I am not a molecular gastronomy expert, I am actually just a poor molecular biologist. Anyhow, so I found the recipe and luckily I also happened to have a can of alphanso mango pulp. 

I found agar agar powder at Asian store close by and was all set to make mango caviar to top the Kulfi. It was an awesome idea and recipe didn't look too difficult. There were few things I didn't realize, such as; the mango pulp can was big in size around of one kg, recipe had juice which is lighter in weight in comparison to pulp, I didn't pay attention that I had to cool the mix before dripping pearls in cold oil, I should have done my first experiment in small quantity, and that I should have had large amount of cold oil in order to make mango caviar from one kg of pulp. 

And, I ended making up a mango mess in my kitchen. I tried working with hot mango pulp boiled with agar and it resulted in mango pulp spill everywhere, on the floor, on the counter, on the cooking top, spluttered on the microwave, and on my clothes. I emerged out of all that and started the process of dripping slightly colder mix in cold oil and was happy when little drops were settling in the cold oil. To my horror when I sieved the oil through a strainer, instead of finding beautiful pearls, I found one big mass of mango jello at the bottom. Although oil was cold, but pulp was still very hot and little heavier than regular juice. 

Finally, I asked my husband for help, because I still had more than half of the mix left. He and I started dropping mango mix in oil using droppers, and as it always happen this way, all the mango pearls dropped by my husband in cold oil turned out to be perfect mango caviar. That was the only one cup worth mango caviar that turned out perfect and gave my husband an extra reason to gloat for the rest of the evening. We still had 1/3 mix left and it was already cold and was already in jello form. I still didn't accept defeat and cut that jello into small square bits to use as topping on kulfi. 

This is my delicious and beautiful mango caviar :).

The good part in the whole mess was, that all the mango pulp spill was jelled and it was pretty easy to clean it afterwards. Altogether, it still was a good experience and a learning event. My friends and family played holi at the end of that week and enjoyed gujiya and kulfi. It was all together a good time and rest as always are only details ;).

Recipes:

Gujiya:

2 Cups of all purpose flour

Oil to mix in dough and frying

1 lb of khoya

2 tablespoon sooji

and sugar according to taste

Mix as much oil in flour as to make sure that when you hold flour in your fist, flour should not slip in between the fingers (this is important, as without this much oil gujiya doesn't turn out crispy), nor it should be in dough form. After that mix water to make a smooth dough. 

On the other side, slowly roast khoya in a pan on slow flame and sooji in another pan on slow flame. Combine both things and add sugar to the mix.

make small balls out of dough and roll them in a little thin circle. Keep some khoya mix in the middle and fold the flat disc in half and seal the ends. 

dry the raw gujiyas in between two paper towels. 

This dough yielded into 20 gujiyas for me (in two I filled snack mix, as I was out of khoya mix :P).

Fry the dumplings in hot oil on medium flame and then enjoy.

Store gujiya at room temperature.

Mango caviar (based on my experience)

Keep oil for getting cold in the freezer for atleast 4 hours.

take mango pulp (any kind) and mix agar agar to it (quantity based on the package instructions). Boil the mix for  5 minutes and let mix get colder (not a lot but tolerable cold). Use a dropper to drop this mix in cold oil. Strain to remove oil and wash the mango pearls with water. Store this mango caviar in water in the fridge.

Mohe Rang De! (Color me)

As the name suggests, this post is about Holi. Holi is the spring festival of India. Like any other festival, this festival is practiced to celebrate the victory of good over evil. In India, all the festivals that are celebrated in any culture are associated not only with the season but also with an old story or a legend. And as usual, all the stories pretty much ends with the victory of good over evil. Also, as India is a diverse country, stories related to one festival are often little different from each other in different regions or its the same story but with different characters or version. The story behind Holi that I have learned while I was growing up is the most popular version. 

"There was once a devotee of Lord Vishnu (One of the supreme god among the three supreme gods or Trimurti of Hinduism) known as bhakt (disciple) Prahlad. Prahlad's father, Hrinyakashyap was an asura (demon in human form). Prahlad was told not to worship Lord Vishnu and was punished often for doing the same. When there was no stopping Prahlad, his father asked his sister Holika to burn Prahlad alive to punish him. Holika was blessed with a boon that she can not be burnt or in short she was fireproof. A big pyre was arranged and Holika sat in the middle of it with Prahlad in her lap. When pyre caught fire, the blessing backfired and Prahlad came out alive from the fire while Holika was burnt to ashes."

The moral of the story was: Evil (Hrinyakashyap and Holika) was defeated and good (Prahlad) survived. And to honor the legend Holi is celebrated in the Hindu community in all over India. Holi got its name from Holika. From many days before Holi people in the neighboring community start collecting tree branches and fallen leaves at one common designated place to make a holy pyre. Holi is celebrated in two days. On day 1 of festival people go and worship and do some rituals at the pyre. Rituals include offering cow dung cakes and other flammable things to the pyre. At night or early morning next day that is day 2 of the festival, the pyre is burnt and most of the people in the community go there to attend the ceremony. This is known as Holika Dahan (burning of Holika in the form of that pyre). In my culture, people take fresh barley stalks with them and roast the grain in that fire. After roasting barley people go to friends and relatives houses to wish them Holi and exchange roasted barley as a small customary Holi gift or offering. The guests who come to house with roasted barley are offered Holi delicacies. And after that, the main festivities starts, which is playing colors. 

Holi is my most favorite festival. I like it even better than Diwali. For me, Holi is the news of spring, it is welcome to heat and bye-bye to cold, it is the time of year when we stop taking bath with hot water and start using regular tap water (Yes, in North hot water is used to take bath in winters only), it is the time to get crazy and play colors with family and friends,  it is the time to eat all kind of Holi delicacies (In my family festival associated delicacies are made around Holi and not around Diwali), and flying kites (honestly could never learnt it, but enjoyed seeing my brother flying kites and competing with neighbors). In my region Holi is also the festival or an occasion to make amends with friends and family.

When I was a kid, on the first day of Holi my brother and I use to accompany my mom to the holy pyre for prayer rituals. On that day, my mom used to make garlands of nuts and candies for my brother and me, which we use to hang around our neck and walk with our mom to pyre and back. After coming back home we would break those garlands and collect chocolates, candies, and nuts out of them and enjoy them. Rest of the day was fun because it was off from school. My brother used to fly kites for the rest of the day and I use to hang out with him up at the roof and tried my level best to learn to fly a kite. In India, flying a kite is a sport which is played with neighbor kids. The sport is to cut other's kite thread with your kite thread. The trick is to cut their threads by looping your kite's thread around theirs. For that purpose, sharp glass coated threads are used to tie to the kites. Up high in the sky one never knew which kite belonged to which individual or even if one knows that person, it is only the kite flying high in the sky which mattered. It was fun to watch people trying cutting each other's kites. That day meal was also festival associated meal such as; puri, chhole, kheer, different curries and much more.

The second day we use to wake up early in the morning when my mamaji (Mother's brother) would come to our house to meet and greet Holi with roasted barley. After that other people would also start coming to our house to greet Holi to us. It was my amma (father's mother) who use to go to pyre to roast barley for the family accompanied with Munshi Chacha (please refer to my early post). As soon as the sun was fully visible the color play would start. Early on when we were kids we use to play colors with our cousins and later on when my sisters got married, their husbands would visit us especially to play Holi. Holi didn't only include playing colors but it also meant whole house, especially central courtyard and all walls around it to get colored too. There was one thing which was done in my family every year with no exception and it was to soak palash/tesu ke phool (flame-of-the-forest flowers) in the water on the first day of Holi and let them rest for the whole night so that tesu's color will seep into the water. We use to play Holi mainly with that water as it was natural and non-toxic. But that doesn't mean we didn't use store bought, toxic, unhealthy, chemical laden colors. Oh yaa, we did and loved it, which often would result in causing blisters on our skin, but who cared.

After playing Holi we would take a bath and remove colors from our skin as much as possible, but there was always a lot left and no one cared. The house used to get deep cleaned and we would eat comfort food for lunch. And, after that everyone would take a long nap because everyone use to be tired after a short night sleep and lots of fun. Later in the evening, the whole family used to go to my mamaji's house for Holi party. And, that was the end of fun-filled two days of Holi. I still remember Holi as I have played it yesterday. Up to this day I love Holi and here in the US if I can't arrange colors I just play with water with whoever I can trap in playing Holi with me. I guess festivals is the time when I miss my country the most even more than my family. I do miss playing Holi with family but what I miss the most is the whole atmosphere around us during the festivals. How everyone is preparing for festivals and markets are full of particular festival associated products. Festivals are in the air in India. I miss you my watan (country), my motherland. 

Next post is about all the delicacies associated with Holi, wait for it... it is going to be legendaaaaaaary!

*I would like to mention that whatever I have written about the legend or the rituals is strictly limited to me and to what I have learned and seen while I was growing up. I don't have the authority to comment on Holi or legends associated with it. And also whatever I have written might be wrong for some people or different from what other people know or practice. Therefore, please enjoy this post as an anecdote of my life and not as a post about the festival. 

I do or I don't, I will or I won't!

In my last post, I tried not to make people emotional or overwhelmed, but I failed drastically. Therefore, in this post, I am determined to make people smile or may even manage out a laugh. Now, before I go ahead I want to make some disclaimers, the following views are totally my views with no intention to judge anyone's culture or make fun of. This post is based on my upbringing, little rules I learned as a kid, and my mental blocks about certain things. I am not talking about the religion I brought up in or some family secret. I only want to mention few rules, which makes sense sometimes and don't make any sense at all other times. These are the rules which I think I have inhaled in my body while I was growing up, and now they are a part of my body's cell and tissue and I don't think so I can ever get rid of them. I am going to mention some small sweet rules I followed willingly or unwillingly along with my possible reasoning, the level of persuasion (ranging from mildly strict to very strict), and my current status of whether I follow them or not. Let's begin:

1. "Do not touch broom with your foot": This rule first, because this is the rule I never break, in fact, I should say I can't break it at all. Whenever anyone touches broom with the foot for the purpose of moving it or tossing it around, eeiiiish is the only sound comes out of my mouth. This is I guess the biggest mental block I have. If I ever accidentally touched a broom with my foot, my mom would make me touch the broom with my forehead to give it proper respect (I promise I am not kidding).

How strict it is: Very strict
Mummy's reasoning: Goddess Lakshmi (Goddess of wealth) resides in the broom. 
Possible origin: Indian brooms are mostly made of stiff grass (soft broom used for dusting) and coco broom made of coconut known as seekh jhaadu (for heavy duty work like cleaning porch or washing floor). Now a days there are non-natural material brooms are also available in the market but they are not as functional as the natural material ones. In past, when I guess this rule was made brooms made of natural material were available only,  and if one would accidentally touch broom with bare feet, they may have got hurt by the stiff grass. Also medical facilities were not great as today. 

Soft Broom(phool jhadu) Seekh Jhadu

The possible link to Goddess Lakshmi could be because using a broom to clean house will lead to clean house and fewer diseases and thus more wealth. 
Do I follow it: Yes, definitely. I don't believe in the reason but I do follow it. I have a big mental block regarding this.
Do I force my family to do the same: Oh yaa, they have to follow this rule too, at least in front of me.

2."Do not wash or cut hair on Thursday": Any Indian reading thing would totally be able to relate to this. Because in each city or state, there is one particular day which is considered unlucky to wash hair. My husband's family do not wash hair on Saturday. My mom would yell at me if I ever washed my hair on Thursday. I use to forget it sometimes and thus the consequences. Even beauty parlors in Aligarh (my home town) are closed on Thursdays because no one goes for a hair cut or anything related to hair to parlors on Thursdays.

How strict it is: Very strict
Mummy's reasoning: Washing hair is unlucky and does not bring wealth and prosperity in the family.
Possible origin: Shampoo originated in India and is the anglicized word for Champi or champoo (Hair massage). Indian women have always been known for long hair and for oiling and cleaning them. I guess people made rules like these to save water which is used to clean long hair, at least, one day in a week. And every region over the period chose their own day.
Do I follow it: Yes, definitely. I don't believe in the reason but I do follow it. Especially after coming to the USA, when no one was there to reprimand for this, I started following rules :D.
Do I force my family to do the same: No, I don't force them for this rule, my son is free to do what he wants, but I sometimes force my husband to follow the rule, just to mess with him ;).

3. "Butter the particular side of roti": Ok, this is something not every Indian can relate to. Roti or Chapati is an unleavened Indian bread that is cooked in a skillet and puffed on direct flame. Roti is not a staple food of all Indians and is mostly eaten in northern and western states of India. The way roti is cooked is; whole wheat dough's small balls are rolled out in thin flat circular bread (like tortillas) and is then transferred to hot skillet. The reason I am mentioning the way of making bread is because in my family the side of bread which touches skillet first is buttered after roti is cooked. One might be wondering how important it can be, then let me tell you it is very important that which side is buttered. In fact, in the family like mine, the cooking skills of a new daughter-in-law can be judged on this basis. While, in my husband's family the roti is buttered on the opposite side, which he claims is the right side.




How strict it is: Very strict
Mummy's reasoning: None! It is just the right way to do it.
Possible origin:  I have no clue. 
Do I follow it: Yes, definitely. I have a big mental block regarding this.
Do I force my family to do the same: Oh yaa, they have to follow this rule too, at least in front of me. And just to spite me, my husband does the opposite :(.

4. "Don't keep shoes upside down": While growing up, we were always told not to keep shoes upside down and, if possible, to not stack them on top of each other. Also, if someone has left their shoes upside down, my mom always encouraged us to make it right.

How strict it is: We were not yelled for this, but were always encouraged to do it.
Mummy's reasoning: None! It is just the right way to do it.
Possible origin:  Shoes kept upside down look really ugly, I think that's why it is practiced. 
Do I follow it: Yes, definitely. I have a big mental block regarding this. I have such a big mental block that if I see some stranger's shoes left upside down in front of a temple, I just go ahead and straighten them hahahhaha, Yes I am a total crazy person.
Do I force my family to do the same: Oh yaa, they have to follow this rule too.

5. "Do not cut nails at night": We were always told not to cut nails at night.

How strict it is: We will not be yelled for this, but were always encouraged to do it.
Mummy's reasoning: Devils cut their nails at night.
Possible origin:  In past people didn't have electricity and if they would cut nails at night, there was a chance of getting hurt while cutting nails and of accidentally stepping on cut nails.
Do I follow it: Nope, I don't care about this rule anymore.
Do I force my family to do the same: None, I am a very relaxed wife and a mom ;).

6. "Do not eat, drink, sleep, or broom at twilight": The twilight time is an inauspicious time of the day and is the time when for positivity lamps are lit in front of god (In Hinduism gods are worshiped in idol form). We were always discouraged from eating, drinking, sleep, or broom at that time.

How strict it is: We will not be yelled for this, but were always encouraged to do it.
Mummy's reasoning: Because the time is inauspicious, and also it is associated with the Hindu legend of Narasimha and Prahlad (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narasimha)
Possible origin:  I don't know and can't even guess. May be sleeping at that time, makes it harder to sleep later at night.
Do I follow it: Yes, definitely. I have a big mental block regarding this at least about sleeping at this time. Rest about eating, drinking, or cleaning, I don't care much about doing all those at this time. I don't believe in the legend or twilight being an inauspicious time, but some habits are hard to break.
Do I force my family to do the same: I try suggesting them not to sleep at this time. I am able to stop my husband, but it is difficult to make 2.5 years old not to take a nap when he wants to. When my son will grow old, I will also discourage him to sleep at that time.

7. "Do not sit on chaukhat (The door frames)": We were always told not to do so, and later it became a habit.

How strict it is: It was something we grew up with and it became a habit for us. Also, we never felt like doing it. 
Mummy's reasoning: It is also associated with the Hindu legend of Narasimha and Prahlad.
Possible origin:  I don't know, may be because, sitting on the door frame blocks the passage. Or, may be if one is sitting on the floor right below the door frame, there are chances of frame falling on the head.
Do I follow it: As I said earlier, some habits are hard to break.
Do I force my family to do the same: Yup, I guess I will make my family learn the same thing.

These are the only few rules I can think of right now. Please feel free to correct me and please share some of yours in the comments below. I would love to make them a part of this post. Bye for now, will post something interesting later!

Maan: Part 2

Plain medium-length braid, straight black hair parted in the middle, partition always filled with red sindoor (Vermillion; red color powder used by married women in India) was the all time hair style of my mom. On a few occasions, she would make hair bun out of her braid, but from the front, her hair remained the same style forever. Round face, broad forehead, small stubby  nose, small mouth, thin lips (no lipstick at home and lightly applied magenta lipstick for outings; ranged from visiting someone, going to  market or attend a wedding), round chin with a dimple in the middle, chubby cheeks, double chin, and the world's most beautiful and biggest sized eyes. Her eyes were the most beautiful part of her face. She always wore red slightly big size bindi* in the middle of her eyebrows on her forehead. She used to wear fancy designer bindis while attending weddings or other parties, but after crossing age 40 she stopped doing that and wore a simple red bindi. This is the look of my mom that was never changing. The only thing changed in day to day life was the colors of saree she wore. Her extensive makeup for big parties was also limited to face cream, bindi, and magenta lipstick (same brand, same type, the lipstick appeared green but after application it changed into magenta color). Her only beauty parlor visits may have been once in two years for an occasional facial. With limited makeup, no parlor visits, my mom was still the most beautiful woman in the entire family. We sisters were often told, that none of us (all six of us) look even close to what she looked in her young age. Still with many pounds up in weight due to medicines and no activity because of asthma, she aged gracefully and was pretty in every sense.

Mummy was an exceptionally talented homemaker, she was a skilled seamstress, knitter, embroiderer, dancer and singer (folk singing and dancing in family gatherings), and a marvelous cook. I never got an opportunity to eat anything cooked by her, as she was mostly ill when I was growing up. She was famous in her family for playing dholak (two-headed hand drum). In short she was versatile and had many talents. Some of us sisters have some of her qualities and some have none, but none of us has all the qualities my mom had. Among everything, mummy loved to knit sweaters for us, for factory workers, for pretty much everyone she knew. We grew up wearing her knitted sweaters, but with changing fashions and market sweater charms, we stopped wearing them and mummy stopped making them for us. She would take old sweaters (a year or two years old) and reuse the wool to make sweaters for the domestic help working for us. That way sweaters were not kept unused for years, the wool was used and poor lads get to wear hand knitted warm sweaters for winters. Out of all, Munshi Chacha got the most sweaters from my mom. I am pretty sure he must have at least one left with him even now. She got the charm of making sweaters again when my nieces and nephews were born, but eventually stopped it altogether because of failing health and discomfort from the wool lint. When I came to the USA I missed my mom and her sweaters so much that I asked her to knit one for me in my last visit to India before she passed away. It took her only two days to knit me a sweater and I don't use it anymore because I am scared of damaging it and losing a last thread connected with my mom. 

There are a  few other things of hers I have saved; her old mobile phone (the keypad still has her sindoor in it), her wallet, her one pair of slippers, and my countless memories of her. One of my sisters has also saved a little pickle made by her. Things like these and thousands of memories are what keeps her alive among us. If I continue to write about her, it will take me 100s of blogs to cover everything; that's why I am writing the two most important memories here in this blog. Her love was endless is doubtless, but these memories are the reason of what I am today and how I shaped myself. 

I did my schooling from Aligarh Muslim University senior secondary school. The school was part of a big educational wing, which had girls' high school (US 10th grade), secondary school (US high school), and women's college. The whole complex had two entrances on opposite sides of this huge area. On one side was the famous Amir Nisha (that's a topic of entirely new blog ;)) also called as lal diggi wala gate and the other gate opened on Marris Road. On the opposite side of Marris Road gate was the infamous Quality Snack shop, which was a little food junction. The shop was small; therefore, the owner had set a few tables outside of the shop and customers would stand there and eat. The reason it was infamous especially in my family and friend circle is that it was widely known or rumored that boys come to that shop to check out girls coming out of school gates and if a boy and a girl are standing there and eating they must be dating each other. Dating without permission or betrothal in India is a complete no no, especially in small traditional cities like my hometown.  So going to that shop by myself was a big no no and with a friend who is a boy is like bringing shame to my entire family. Once I was very hungry and had very little time to spare between two classes and didn't pack any food with me. So I decided to go to this Quality shop and get some food for me and instead of bringing that food back to college, I ended up eating it by myself at one of the outside tables there at the shop only. I promise I was standing alone. And, obviously, that was the day my brother happened to cross from there and saw me at that infamous food shop. He came home and complained straight to my mom, my sister also got agitated and started fueling the fire. Mummy looked at me and I simply said, "Mom if you trust me, you don't have to ask me anything but if you don't then whatever I say will make no difference, but please trust me I didn't do anything wrong". Mom heard what I said and didn't question or say anything to me (that left my brother and sister infuriated; hahah on their face). That's how much she trusted me, and that's the reason I stopped myself at least 8 out of 10 times from doing something which she would not have approved, and that's what I feel has made me a better person.

The second memory is: As I have mentioned so many times mummy was ill most of the time, and thus one my sisters has always helped mummy in taking care of all household responsibilities. After my older sisters were married, the next in line would take the responsibility. When I got admission in the Ph.D. program in the USA and all the required visa documents and everything was set, I realized that if I will leave now, who will help mummy in my absence? Only one of my older sisters was unmarried at that time and my parents were planning to marry her off soon, and at the same time, I was coming to the USA. I was very worried and decided not to come and discussed the issue with my mom. She outrightly told me, "Don't worry about me, I am very happy that you have got this opportunity and I know I can take care of myself. For my sake chose your career over your family right now". And I did as she told me. I guess leaving her was the most difficult thing when I came here and that's the reason I was not very excited when I came to the USA for the first time. Thus, this incident changed my whole life and career path.

When I had to help my mom, she was alone and I cried so many nights thinking about that. But my parents were blessed with a son like my brother who took care of them more than any one of us sisters could have done. And sometimes I felt mummy preferred or prioritized my brother even over my dad hahaha. It was a shock when the news of her death came. Although she passed away on the 19th May 2009, my memory of seeing her face for the last time is from 9th January of 2009. I couldn't reach in time to see her before she was cremated. It has been more than 6 years that she has been gone, but I am still in denial and whenever I dream of Aligarh, she is always a part of those dreams. I use to send her flowers for mother's day every year after I came to the USA. The year 2009 is the only year I didn't (I hate that year). There was some miscommunication with the vendor and minor payment issues, and by the time everything was solved mother's day was long over and almost a week after that I also lost the person who loved those flowers. She totally loved flowers; therefore, every mother's day even now I bring flowers and keep them in front of her picture to wish her Happy mother's day. She is still my mom and I know she still loves me and I love her. Sometimes I feel life is not fair, because she left us before time. On the other hand, I feel it was good for her as she was suffering from each breath she took.

I love you maan and miss you like crazy especially when I want to share notes with you about raising my son, when I want you to tell me how I was as a kid, and when I want to share with someone that I am sad or happy without judging me.  In short I miss you every second of my life. And, more I think about you more I feel proud of you, I am proud of my upbringing, I am proud of the values you gave me, I am proud of my independence and confidence which was a path carved by you, and I am proud of you for all the standards and rules you have set in my mind (I still don't touch broom with my foot hahaahha). 

And at the last! My mom:

*Bindi is the traditional makeup dot worn by Indian girls and women, which was traditionally applied using vermillion but now is available as paste and remove stickers in many colors and shapes. Unlike vermillion filling in parted hair, bindi can be used by both married and unmarried women except widow. According to old beliefs, widows are not allowed to wear any color other than white in hindu religion; the rule my grandmother (papa's mom) strictly followed. This rule is now pretty relaxed except in very traditional families and widows can wear colors, but still avoid bright colors.