Mohe Rang De! (Color me)

As the name suggests, this post is about Holi. Holi is the spring festival of India. Like any other festival, this festival is practiced to celebrate the victory of good over evil. In India, all the festivals that are celebrated in any culture are associated not only with the season but also with an old story or a legend. And as usual, all the stories pretty much ends with the victory of good over evil. Also, as India is a diverse country, stories related to one festival are often little different from each other in different regions or its the same story but with different characters or version. The story behind Holi that I have learned while I was growing up is the most popular version. 

"There was once a devotee of Lord Vishnu (One of the supreme god among the three supreme gods or Trimurti of Hinduism) known as bhakt (disciple) Prahlad. Prahlad's father, Hrinyakashyap was an asura (demon in human form). Prahlad was told not to worship Lord Vishnu and was punished often for doing the same. When there was no stopping Prahlad, his father asked his sister Holika to burn Prahlad alive to punish him. Holika was blessed with a boon that she can not be burnt or in short she was fireproof. A big pyre was arranged and Holika sat in the middle of it with Prahlad in her lap. When pyre caught fire, the blessing backfired and Prahlad came out alive from the fire while Holika was burnt to ashes."

The moral of the story was: Evil (Hrinyakashyap and Holika) was defeated and good (Prahlad) survived. And to honor the legend Holi is celebrated in the Hindu community in all over India. Holi got its name from Holika. From many days before Holi people in the neighboring community start collecting tree branches and fallen leaves at one common designated place to make a holy pyre. Holi is celebrated in two days. On day 1 of festival people go and worship and do some rituals at the pyre. Rituals include offering cow dung cakes and other flammable things to the pyre. At night or early morning next day that is day 2 of the festival, the pyre is burnt and most of the people in the community go there to attend the ceremony. This is known as Holika Dahan (burning of Holika in the form of that pyre). In my culture, people take fresh barley stalks with them and roast the grain in that fire. After roasting barley people go to friends and relatives houses to wish them Holi and exchange roasted barley as a small customary Holi gift or offering. The guests who come to house with roasted barley are offered Holi delicacies. And after that, the main festivities starts, which is playing colors. 

Holi is my most favorite festival. I like it even better than Diwali. For me, Holi is the news of spring, it is welcome to heat and bye-bye to cold, it is the time of year when we stop taking bath with hot water and start using regular tap water (Yes, in North hot water is used to take bath in winters only), it is the time to get crazy and play colors with family and friends,  it is the time to eat all kind of Holi delicacies (In my family festival associated delicacies are made around Holi and not around Diwali), and flying kites (honestly could never learnt it, but enjoyed seeing my brother flying kites and competing with neighbors). In my region Holi is also the festival or an occasion to make amends with friends and family.

When I was a kid, on the first day of Holi my brother and I use to accompany my mom to the holy pyre for prayer rituals. On that day, my mom used to make garlands of nuts and candies for my brother and me, which we use to hang around our neck and walk with our mom to pyre and back. After coming back home we would break those garlands and collect chocolates, candies, and nuts out of them and enjoy them. Rest of the day was fun because it was off from school. My brother used to fly kites for the rest of the day and I use to hang out with him up at the roof and tried my level best to learn to fly a kite. In India, flying a kite is a sport which is played with neighbor kids. The sport is to cut other's kite thread with your kite thread. The trick is to cut their threads by looping your kite's thread around theirs. For that purpose, sharp glass coated threads are used to tie to the kites. Up high in the sky one never knew which kite belonged to which individual or even if one knows that person, it is only the kite flying high in the sky which mattered. It was fun to watch people trying cutting each other's kites. That day meal was also festival associated meal such as; puri, chhole, kheer, different curries and much more.

The second day we use to wake up early in the morning when my mamaji (Mother's brother) would come to our house to meet and greet Holi with roasted barley. After that other people would also start coming to our house to greet Holi to us. It was my amma (father's mother) who use to go to pyre to roast barley for the family accompanied with Munshi Chacha (please refer to my early post). As soon as the sun was fully visible the color play would start. Early on when we were kids we use to play colors with our cousins and later on when my sisters got married, their husbands would visit us especially to play Holi. Holi didn't only include playing colors but it also meant whole house, especially central courtyard and all walls around it to get colored too. There was one thing which was done in my family every year with no exception and it was to soak palash/tesu ke phool (flame-of-the-forest flowers) in the water on the first day of Holi and let them rest for the whole night so that tesu's color will seep into the water. We use to play Holi mainly with that water as it was natural and non-toxic. But that doesn't mean we didn't use store bought, toxic, unhealthy, chemical laden colors. Oh yaa, we did and loved it, which often would result in causing blisters on our skin, but who cared.

After playing Holi we would take a bath and remove colors from our skin as much as possible, but there was always a lot left and no one cared. The house used to get deep cleaned and we would eat comfort food for lunch. And, after that everyone would take a long nap because everyone use to be tired after a short night sleep and lots of fun. Later in the evening, the whole family used to go to my mamaji's house for Holi party. And, that was the end of fun-filled two days of Holi. I still remember Holi as I have played it yesterday. Up to this day I love Holi and here in the US if I can't arrange colors I just play with water with whoever I can trap in playing Holi with me. I guess festivals is the time when I miss my country the most even more than my family. I do miss playing Holi with family but what I miss the most is the whole atmosphere around us during the festivals. How everyone is preparing for festivals and markets are full of particular festival associated products. Festivals are in the air in India. I miss you my watan (country), my motherland. 

Next post is about all the delicacies associated with Holi, wait for it... it is going to be legendaaaaaaary!

*I would like to mention that whatever I have written about the legend or the rituals is strictly limited to me and to what I have learned and seen while I was growing up. I don't have the authority to comment on Holi or legends associated with it. And also whatever I have written might be wrong for some people or different from what other people know or practice. Therefore, please enjoy this post as an anecdote of my life and not as a post about the festival. 

I do or I don't, I will or I won't!

In my last post, I tried not to make people emotional or overwhelmed, but I failed drastically. Therefore, in this post, I am determined to make people smile or may even manage out a laugh. Now, before I go ahead I want to make some disclaimers, the following views are totally my views with no intention to judge anyone's culture or make fun of. This post is based on my upbringing, little rules I learned as a kid, and my mental blocks about certain things. I am not talking about the religion I brought up in or some family secret. I only want to mention few rules, which makes sense sometimes and don't make any sense at all other times. These are the rules which I think I have inhaled in my body while I was growing up, and now they are a part of my body's cell and tissue and I don't think so I can ever get rid of them. I am going to mention some small sweet rules I followed willingly or unwillingly along with my possible reasoning, the level of persuasion (ranging from mildly strict to very strict), and my current status of whether I follow them or not. Let's begin:

1. "Do not touch broom with your foot": This rule first, because this is the rule I never break, in fact, I should say I can't break it at all. Whenever anyone touches broom with the foot for the purpose of moving it or tossing it around, eeiiiish is the only sound comes out of my mouth. This is I guess the biggest mental block I have. If I ever accidentally touched a broom with my foot, my mom would make me touch the broom with my forehead to give it proper respect (I promise I am not kidding).

How strict it is: Very strict
Mummy's reasoning: Goddess Lakshmi (Goddess of wealth) resides in the broom. 
Possible origin: Indian brooms are mostly made of stiff grass (soft broom used for dusting) and coco broom made of coconut known as seekh jhaadu (for heavy duty work like cleaning porch or washing floor). Now a days there are non-natural material brooms are also available in the market but they are not as functional as the natural material ones. In past, when I guess this rule was made brooms made of natural material were available only,  and if one would accidentally touch broom with bare feet, they may have got hurt by the stiff grass. Also medical facilities were not great as today. 

Soft Broom(phool jhadu) Seekh Jhadu

The possible link to Goddess Lakshmi could be because using a broom to clean house will lead to clean house and fewer diseases and thus more wealth. 
Do I follow it: Yes, definitely. I don't believe in the reason but I do follow it. I have a big mental block regarding this.
Do I force my family to do the same: Oh yaa, they have to follow this rule too, at least in front of me.

2."Do not wash or cut hair on Thursday": Any Indian reading thing would totally be able to relate to this. Because in each city or state, there is one particular day which is considered unlucky to wash hair. My husband's family do not wash hair on Saturday. My mom would yell at me if I ever washed my hair on Thursday. I use to forget it sometimes and thus the consequences. Even beauty parlors in Aligarh (my home town) are closed on Thursdays because no one goes for a hair cut or anything related to hair to parlors on Thursdays.

How strict it is: Very strict
Mummy's reasoning: Washing hair is unlucky and does not bring wealth and prosperity in the family.
Possible origin: Shampoo originated in India and is the anglicized word for Champi or champoo (Hair massage). Indian women have always been known for long hair and for oiling and cleaning them. I guess people made rules like these to save water which is used to clean long hair, at least, one day in a week. And every region over the period chose their own day.
Do I follow it: Yes, definitely. I don't believe in the reason but I do follow it. Especially after coming to the USA, when no one was there to reprimand for this, I started following rules :D.
Do I force my family to do the same: No, I don't force them for this rule, my son is free to do what he wants, but I sometimes force my husband to follow the rule, just to mess with him ;).

3. "Butter the particular side of roti": Ok, this is something not every Indian can relate to. Roti or Chapati is an unleavened Indian bread that is cooked in a skillet and puffed on direct flame. Roti is not a staple food of all Indians and is mostly eaten in northern and western states of India. The way roti is cooked is; whole wheat dough's small balls are rolled out in thin flat circular bread (like tortillas) and is then transferred to hot skillet. The reason I am mentioning the way of making bread is because in my family the side of bread which touches skillet first is buttered after roti is cooked. One might be wondering how important it can be, then let me tell you it is very important that which side is buttered. In fact, in the family like mine, the cooking skills of a new daughter-in-law can be judged on this basis. While, in my husband's family the roti is buttered on the opposite side, which he claims is the right side.




How strict it is: Very strict
Mummy's reasoning: None! It is just the right way to do it.
Possible origin:  I have no clue. 
Do I follow it: Yes, definitely. I have a big mental block regarding this.
Do I force my family to do the same: Oh yaa, they have to follow this rule too, at least in front of me. And just to spite me, my husband does the opposite :(.

4. "Don't keep shoes upside down": While growing up, we were always told not to keep shoes upside down and, if possible, to not stack them on top of each other. Also, if someone has left their shoes upside down, my mom always encouraged us to make it right.

How strict it is: We were not yelled for this, but were always encouraged to do it.
Mummy's reasoning: None! It is just the right way to do it.
Possible origin:  Shoes kept upside down look really ugly, I think that's why it is practiced. 
Do I follow it: Yes, definitely. I have a big mental block regarding this. I have such a big mental block that if I see some stranger's shoes left upside down in front of a temple, I just go ahead and straighten them hahahhaha, Yes I am a total crazy person.
Do I force my family to do the same: Oh yaa, they have to follow this rule too.

5. "Do not cut nails at night": We were always told not to cut nails at night.

How strict it is: We will not be yelled for this, but were always encouraged to do it.
Mummy's reasoning: Devils cut their nails at night.
Possible origin:  In past people didn't have electricity and if they would cut nails at night, there was a chance of getting hurt while cutting nails and of accidentally stepping on cut nails.
Do I follow it: Nope, I don't care about this rule anymore.
Do I force my family to do the same: None, I am a very relaxed wife and a mom ;).

6. "Do not eat, drink, sleep, or broom at twilight": The twilight time is an inauspicious time of the day and is the time when for positivity lamps are lit in front of god (In Hinduism gods are worshiped in idol form). We were always discouraged from eating, drinking, sleep, or broom at that time.

How strict it is: We will not be yelled for this, but were always encouraged to do it.
Mummy's reasoning: Because the time is inauspicious, and also it is associated with the Hindu legend of Narasimha and Prahlad (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narasimha)
Possible origin:  I don't know and can't even guess. May be sleeping at that time, makes it harder to sleep later at night.
Do I follow it: Yes, definitely. I have a big mental block regarding this at least about sleeping at this time. Rest about eating, drinking, or cleaning, I don't care much about doing all those at this time. I don't believe in the legend or twilight being an inauspicious time, but some habits are hard to break.
Do I force my family to do the same: I try suggesting them not to sleep at this time. I am able to stop my husband, but it is difficult to make 2.5 years old not to take a nap when he wants to. When my son will grow old, I will also discourage him to sleep at that time.

7. "Do not sit on chaukhat (The door frames)": We were always told not to do so, and later it became a habit.

How strict it is: It was something we grew up with and it became a habit for us. Also, we never felt like doing it. 
Mummy's reasoning: It is also associated with the Hindu legend of Narasimha and Prahlad.
Possible origin:  I don't know, may be because, sitting on the door frame blocks the passage. Or, may be if one is sitting on the floor right below the door frame, there are chances of frame falling on the head.
Do I follow it: As I said earlier, some habits are hard to break.
Do I force my family to do the same: Yup, I guess I will make my family learn the same thing.

These are the only few rules I can think of right now. Please feel free to correct me and please share some of yours in the comments below. I would love to make them a part of this post. Bye for now, will post something interesting later!

Maan: Part 2

Plain medium-length braid, straight black hair parted in the middle, partition always filled with red sindoor (Vermillion; red color powder used by married women in India) was the all time hair style of my mom. On a few occasions, she would make hair bun out of her braid, but from the front, her hair remained the same style forever. Round face, broad forehead, small stubby  nose, small mouth, thin lips (no lipstick at home and lightly applied magenta lipstick for outings; ranged from visiting someone, going to  market or attend a wedding), round chin with a dimple in the middle, chubby cheeks, double chin, and the world's most beautiful and biggest sized eyes. Her eyes were the most beautiful part of her face. She always wore red slightly big size bindi* in the middle of her eyebrows on her forehead. She used to wear fancy designer bindis while attending weddings or other parties, but after crossing age 40 she stopped doing that and wore a simple red bindi. This is the look of my mom that was never changing. The only thing changed in day to day life was the colors of saree she wore. Her extensive makeup for big parties was also limited to face cream, bindi, and magenta lipstick (same brand, same type, the lipstick appeared green but after application it changed into magenta color). Her only beauty parlor visits may have been once in two years for an occasional facial. With limited makeup, no parlor visits, my mom was still the most beautiful woman in the entire family. We sisters were often told, that none of us (all six of us) look even close to what she looked in her young age. Still with many pounds up in weight due to medicines and no activity because of asthma, she aged gracefully and was pretty in every sense.

Mummy was an exceptionally talented homemaker, she was a skilled seamstress, knitter, embroiderer, dancer and singer (folk singing and dancing in family gatherings), and a marvelous cook. I never got an opportunity to eat anything cooked by her, as she was mostly ill when I was growing up. She was famous in her family for playing dholak (two-headed hand drum). In short she was versatile and had many talents. Some of us sisters have some of her qualities and some have none, but none of us has all the qualities my mom had. Among everything, mummy loved to knit sweaters for us, for factory workers, for pretty much everyone she knew. We grew up wearing her knitted sweaters, but with changing fashions and market sweater charms, we stopped wearing them and mummy stopped making them for us. She would take old sweaters (a year or two years old) and reuse the wool to make sweaters for the domestic help working for us. That way sweaters were not kept unused for years, the wool was used and poor lads get to wear hand knitted warm sweaters for winters. Out of all, Munshi Chacha got the most sweaters from my mom. I am pretty sure he must have at least one left with him even now. She got the charm of making sweaters again when my nieces and nephews were born, but eventually stopped it altogether because of failing health and discomfort from the wool lint. When I came to the USA I missed my mom and her sweaters so much that I asked her to knit one for me in my last visit to India before she passed away. It took her only two days to knit me a sweater and I don't use it anymore because I am scared of damaging it and losing a last thread connected with my mom. 

There are a  few other things of hers I have saved; her old mobile phone (the keypad still has her sindoor in it), her wallet, her one pair of slippers, and my countless memories of her. One of my sisters has also saved a little pickle made by her. Things like these and thousands of memories are what keeps her alive among us. If I continue to write about her, it will take me 100s of blogs to cover everything; that's why I am writing the two most important memories here in this blog. Her love was endless is doubtless, but these memories are the reason of what I am today and how I shaped myself. 

I did my schooling from Aligarh Muslim University senior secondary school. The school was part of a big educational wing, which had girls' high school (US 10th grade), secondary school (US high school), and women's college. The whole complex had two entrances on opposite sides of this huge area. On one side was the famous Amir Nisha (that's a topic of entirely new blog ;)) also called as lal diggi wala gate and the other gate opened on Marris Road. On the opposite side of Marris Road gate was the infamous Quality Snack shop, which was a little food junction. The shop was small; therefore, the owner had set a few tables outside of the shop and customers would stand there and eat. The reason it was infamous especially in my family and friend circle is that it was widely known or rumored that boys come to that shop to check out girls coming out of school gates and if a boy and a girl are standing there and eating they must be dating each other. Dating without permission or betrothal in India is a complete no no, especially in small traditional cities like my hometown.  So going to that shop by myself was a big no no and with a friend who is a boy is like bringing shame to my entire family. Once I was very hungry and had very little time to spare between two classes and didn't pack any food with me. So I decided to go to this Quality shop and get some food for me and instead of bringing that food back to college, I ended up eating it by myself at one of the outside tables there at the shop only. I promise I was standing alone. And, obviously, that was the day my brother happened to cross from there and saw me at that infamous food shop. He came home and complained straight to my mom, my sister also got agitated and started fueling the fire. Mummy looked at me and I simply said, "Mom if you trust me, you don't have to ask me anything but if you don't then whatever I say will make no difference, but please trust me I didn't do anything wrong". Mom heard what I said and didn't question or say anything to me (that left my brother and sister infuriated; hahah on their face). That's how much she trusted me, and that's the reason I stopped myself at least 8 out of 10 times from doing something which she would not have approved, and that's what I feel has made me a better person.

The second memory is: As I have mentioned so many times mummy was ill most of the time, and thus one my sisters has always helped mummy in taking care of all household responsibilities. After my older sisters were married, the next in line would take the responsibility. When I got admission in the Ph.D. program in the USA and all the required visa documents and everything was set, I realized that if I will leave now, who will help mummy in my absence? Only one of my older sisters was unmarried at that time and my parents were planning to marry her off soon, and at the same time, I was coming to the USA. I was very worried and decided not to come and discussed the issue with my mom. She outrightly told me, "Don't worry about me, I am very happy that you have got this opportunity and I know I can take care of myself. For my sake chose your career over your family right now". And I did as she told me. I guess leaving her was the most difficult thing when I came here and that's the reason I was not very excited when I came to the USA for the first time. Thus, this incident changed my whole life and career path.

When I had to help my mom, she was alone and I cried so many nights thinking about that. But my parents were blessed with a son like my brother who took care of them more than any one of us sisters could have done. And sometimes I felt mummy preferred or prioritized my brother even over my dad hahaha. It was a shock when the news of her death came. Although she passed away on the 19th May 2009, my memory of seeing her face for the last time is from 9th January of 2009. I couldn't reach in time to see her before she was cremated. It has been more than 6 years that she has been gone, but I am still in denial and whenever I dream of Aligarh, she is always a part of those dreams. I use to send her flowers for mother's day every year after I came to the USA. The year 2009 is the only year I didn't (I hate that year). There was some miscommunication with the vendor and minor payment issues, and by the time everything was solved mother's day was long over and almost a week after that I also lost the person who loved those flowers. She totally loved flowers; therefore, every mother's day even now I bring flowers and keep them in front of her picture to wish her Happy mother's day. She is still my mom and I know she still loves me and I love her. Sometimes I feel life is not fair, because she left us before time. On the other hand, I feel it was good for her as she was suffering from each breath she took.

I love you maan and miss you like crazy especially when I want to share notes with you about raising my son, when I want you to tell me how I was as a kid, and when I want to share with someone that I am sad or happy without judging me.  In short I miss you every second of my life. And, more I think about you more I feel proud of you, I am proud of my upbringing, I am proud of the values you gave me, I am proud of my independence and confidence which was a path carved by you, and I am proud of you for all the standards and rules you have set in my mind (I still don't touch broom with my foot hahaahha). 

And at the last! My mom:

*Bindi is the traditional makeup dot worn by Indian girls and women, which was traditionally applied using vermillion but now is available as paste and remove stickers in many colors and shapes. Unlike vermillion filling in parted hair, bindi can be used by both married and unmarried women except widow. According to old beliefs, widows are not allowed to wear any color other than white in hindu religion; the rule my grandmother (papa's mom) strictly followed. This rule is now pretty relaxed except in very traditional families and widows can wear colors, but still avoid bright colors.